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Chances are, if you’re reading this blog, then you probably never watched The OC. If that’s the case, then you missed out on some prime Milf eye candy. While all the moms on the show were pretty damn hot, upper class Orange County troublemaker Julie Cooper-Nichol really took the cake.

Why was Julie the hottest tv Milf of the last 20 years, you ask? Well, there are many answers. For starters, she birthed two girls who grew up to be some rather good looking teenage sluts. But that’s neither here nor there.

Julie’s sexiness came not so much from her fine ass or maternal wherewithall as it did from her outlandish sexual behavior. You see, first she slept with her teenage daughter’s high school boyfriend. Then she married her best friend’s father for money. Then she paid off a porn producer to keep him from releasing an adult film she starred in when she was in her 20s. And, if all that weren’t enough, shortly after her aged sugar-daddy hubby died, the horny widow seduced her daughter’s boyfriend’s father. But that didn’t work out. So she turned to her daughter’s best friend’s father to satisfy her horny Milf needs… Yeah. She basically fucked every adult male on the show.

Wanna know more about Julie and her lascivious character? Here’s a direct quote from the mature sexpot when offered raw oyster appetizers at a cocktail function: “No thanks. If I’m gonna swallow something that slimy and disgusting, I’d better be getting something out of it.” Oh yes. Julie Cooper. A high-class Milf slut for the tv ages. Way to go Fox! I bet those OC dvd sales are skyrocketing as I type this!

Okay, first off, this is the only way I could conceive of getting a fake nude picture of Natalie Portman on this blog. But that doesn’t change the fact that nubile-Queen-turned-undercover-hand-maiden-turned-intergalactic-freedom-fighter-Padme-Amidala-whatever isn’t still the hottest child bearer in Star Wars mythos. In fact, she (and her ripped abs) single-handedly made the abysmal prequels worth watching. Granted, she wasn’t actually a Milf for long (given that she died for no reason shortly after popping out Luke and Leia…), but she was, indeed, knocked up by the baddest bad dude in the history of bad dudes. That’s gotta count for something. Plus, her daughter grew up and wore a golden bikini that gave teenage fanboys across the world a lifetime fantasy to cling to in their cold lonely nights. So here’s to Padme/Natalie. She survived Lucas’ dialogue but she just couldn’t make it through his loose grasp on precipitated plotline. Oh well. So next time you freeze frame your overplayed copy of ROTJ to try to catch that Carrie Fisher nipple slip, consider popping in AOTC and whacking off to Natalie Portman’s belly button. It’s good for what ails ya’.

 Ahhh, Jane Jetson. That idealized 50’s mom who personified perfection while living in the future but retaining a hair style from the past. What isn’t to love about Jane? She’s a valium housewife who lives in a space needle and flies around in a hover car. She mothered that obnoxious dork bastard Elroy and the endlessly delightful Judy Jetson (which brings to mind that they would make a delightful Milf/Daughter combo). Moreover, she’s animated. So her tits will never sag, her pussy will never loosen, and her ass will never be ravaged by cellulite. Here’s to Jane Jetson - a Milf for the ages!

Here’s the story of a hot TV Milf named Carol. She took her three hot blonde daughters and shacked up with Mike, a horny single dad. And who can blame him? Carol Brady single handedly vaulted the sexy, valium-addled American housewife into the hormone-catalyzed fantasies of every teen boy in the country. That takes power.

Moreover, Carol had already popped out three kids by the time she was thirty. You know this hot blonde number was thirsty for the cock. Hell, it was the late sixties and Carol was one liberated woman. Between painting terra cotta vases and organizing PTA talent shows, she probably tagged half the block. I wouldn’t be surprised if nasty ole Carol Brady swung both ways. I saw those shifty glances she’d shoot towards Alice’s hindquarters when she was bent over cleaning the oven. Oh yeah, Carol was a crazy hot bi-Milf.

So here’s to Carol Brady. Let’s give her the 21-stroke salute, gentlemen… if you know what I mean.

 

 Growing up, we all had that one hot TV mom who really just ‘did it for us’. But of all the desirable Milfs from the golden era of television, is there really anyone who can compare to June Cleaver, aka - the beaver’s mom?

I think not. June was always there when Ward came home, waiting for him in the kitchen with dinner ready and laid out on the table. Ready to hang his coat on the rack and fetch him his pipe. You just know that matronly devotion extended to the bedroom, where 50s tv cameras weren’t allowed to follow. This leaves us only to speculate how salaciously June put to work those glossy, red, pouty lips of hers…

While I’m on the subject of her marmish appearance, let us not forget this delectible filmic Milf’s committment to looking good. No hair ever out of place; her skirts and blouses always starched and pristine, begging us to fantasize about what puffy pink nipples and furry brown mons are hiding underneath… But the best part is that June always… ALWAYS sported a pearl necklace. She was a kinky dame if I’ve ever seen one. (tee hee!)

So here’s to you, June Cleaver. A Milf for the ages…